Thursday, February 26, 2009

Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman - 2/11/09

One of the most bizarre interviews I have ever seen...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Really CNN? Really? This is NEWS?

CNN posted this SHOCKING study: 

Now don't get me wrong, I love me some women. I don't think women should be treated as objects, and in all actuality I don't think a lot of guys feel that way when they interact with women. This study asked college guys to look at pictures and gauged their answers and their brain activity. 

Attractive half-naked woman = reaction of wanting to have sex with viewed half-naked woman. But isn't this obvious? Especially when you are asking 21 year old college men to look at pictures of women in bikini's and women not in bikini's. Did we really need the, "science to back it up" as CNN states. 

A useless study. Why can't I get grants to do a "study" How about, "Would I be more productive at work if I worked 12-5 instead of 9-5?" I hypothesize that I would sleep more and be more fresh and work more vigorously in my five hour work day. Even though I would be at work for two hours less (I'm factoring in the necessary hour for lunch at the 9-5, which would of course be abandoned at the 12-5), I would get more done over the course of the week.

Any takers on my "study"? Princeton? Harvard? 

Society already knew this bikini thing was true. Watched TV lately? Sexual references and beautiful half naked men and women are more common than the Snuggie commercials (obligatory youtube link)! 

This concludes my latest rant. REALLY? will be back when someone else does something REALLY? worthy.

Basketball is hard when ball not go in basket...or so I'm told

Did this really happen? Penn State 38. Illinois 33. According to the basketball hating gods, it did. I cannot not imagine ANYONE cheering for Illinois last night, had a positive experience....

I think anything higher than a "R" is generous. An F would imply they Failed. This was beyond failure. How about a "W" for What the hell was that?

Penn State coach Ed DeChellis said, "We set this (game) back a few years. (James) Naismith probably rolled over several times," When you refer to the creator of basketball as rolling over in his grave a few times, it's got to be ugly.

PS: for anyone who appreciates sillyness and funnidity, this photo was titled "Slamtrunk" 

Friday, February 13, 2009

A Scout's Presidential Perspective

A new addition to the blog, who shall remain nameless until he thinks of a funny handle, put together this phenomenal and timely article about presidents and their NBA comparisons. Enjoy...

With the inauguration of Barack Obama as our nation’s 44th president we were flooded with stories of the President’s love for the game of basketball. In fact, Sport Illustrated even compared Obama to Lenny Wilkins, Hall of Fame coach and player. Which left us wondering, how would other Presidents stack up when viewed through basketball-tinted glasses? We decided to dig deep into our inner- Jay Bilas to evaluate some former Presidents:

Barack Obama

Bio: The junior senator from Illinois has ascended to the highest office in the land. While only in the Senate for a few short years before running for President he impressed his colleagues with his ambition and drive.
Inner Jay Bilas, break it down for us:

Pros: He’s young but he has tremendous upside potential. Scouts are very impressed by his vision and leadership. He will be a great pick up for any team.

Cons: Comes into a difficult situation and is expected to produce immediately. Burden of expectations could be too much to handle on the young guard’s shoulders.

Our Player Comparison: Who are we to argue with Sports Illustrated? Lenny Wilkins. But if we did argue, LeBron James as a rookie!

Bill Clinton

Bio: The former Governor from Arkansas was our leader during the greatest economic upturn of our lifetime. However, his political successes were often overshadowed by personal issues that haunted his second term.

Inner Jay Bilas, your take:

Pros: Unquestionably a great scorer. Guy can really score. I mean, he has all the moves in the book. All the talent in the world if he chooses to use it. Tremendous potential but lacks maturity.

Cons: Character issues could plague his career. Sometimes he settles for poor shots…we’ll call it scoring ugly.

Our Player Comparison: Bernard King

Abraham Lincoln

Bio: The tallest President in our nation’s history at 6 foot 4 inches is also responsible for attempting to keep the nation together before the Civil War, famously stating, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

Inner Jay Bilas, give us your thoughts:

Pros: Abe Lincoln is unbelievably long. He’s got great size and tremendous length. He does a great job of keeping a team together and is a great leader. He’s a fantastic glue guy.

Cons: Injury prone…

Our Player Comparison: Penny Hardaway

William Howard Taft

Bio: The nation’s largest President weighed in at more than 350 lbs. No one seems to remember anything else about him.

Inner Jay Bilas, what do you think?

Pros: Great size, physical specimen. NBA-ready body.

Cons: Lacks conditioning, drive to succeed.

Our Player Comparison: Oliver Miller

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Pure Gold


Michigan @ #1 UConn

Dear diary,

I don't think Michigan stands a chance today. Based on the last few games I have seen, Michigan still takes too many bad three's. It just seems as though they settle too often. Michigan can get a three point shot anytime they want. That's the nature of basketball, the further you are from the basket, the easier it is to shoot. The whole risk/reward theory at it's finest. UConn is too talented to not punish Michigan for their poor shots, UConn's guards will pounce on the long rebounds and get some easy transition buckets. 

Prediction: UConn 75 Michigan 62

All times are Mountain

4:11 PM About to tip in Storrs, but the MSU-Indiana game has to finish first. Why? I’m not really sure, it’s a 27 point game with 2 minutes to play. Remember the good ol days when they would just leave the bad game and go to the good one
4:12 PM update in the corner of the screen says Uconn 3 Michigan 0. This may be the closest we get all day.
4:13 PM 6-1 uh oh. Is it bad to be this pessimistic one minute into the game?
4:14 PM 8-1 according to the corner of the screen. How about a picture in picture ESPN? Just a small one in the corner? For those of us who aren’t super interested in watching walk-ons vs. walk-ons in a 30 point blow out.
4:16 PM 75-47 MSU wins. What a thriller.
4:17 PM First Impression: Uconn center Hasheem Thabeet is enormous. I have seen UConn a few times this year, but golly. He is gigantic. He reminds me of me in 6th grade. Just uncomfortably bigger than everyone else on the court.
4:18 PM great pick and roll type deal, Harris with a great pass to Sims for the bucket. 12-10 UConn.
4:21 PM the color guy just said “Michigan has been really patient on offense” I have seen a lot of Michigan games this year, and patience has never crossed my mind.
4:21 PM yikes UConn visitors locker room…looks like a high school locker room, only smaller.
4:22 PM holy blocked shot batman!
4:24 PM Sims aggressively to the basket right at Thabeet, gets the foul and misses both free throws. Sigh
4:25 PM Harris great wrap around pass to Sims for the layup. Harris and Sims are the only decisive players out there so far. They aren’t thinking, just reacting properly, Douglass and Shepard look lost early.
4:27 PM SIMS! Great skill move down low! Gets Thabeet up in the air and sneaks under for another layup!!! 14-14!
4:27 PM Michigan isn’t hoisting as many forced 3 pointers, and Sims and Harris are both being very aggressive. Gotta love when Michigan plays this way!
4:33 PM Stu Douglass…for thuuuuureeeee! Timeout UCONN!
4:34 PM LeBron commercial. Could LeBron play in the NFL now? Is it really that far-fetched that he could play for the Cleveland Browns tomorrow? I for one, think it is entirely possible. 6’8” 265!!! What position couldn’t he play? Bo Jackson, Deion Sanders and Brian Jordan all played baseball and football successfully. I submit LeBron could play in the NFL if he wanted to.
4:36 PM 2 fouls on Sims…can Michigan keep it up without him?
4:38 PM Douglass again for thuuuurrrrreeeee. The replay shows textbook form. It makes me want to go work on my jumper…maybe later
4:45 PM Just saw Ray Allen and Donny Marshall. Then the color guy put up his 5 best UConn greats and that had Donyell Marshall on it. As I recall these are not the same person. Color guy is confused…I’m gonna look it up.
4:46 PM Stu Douglass with another jumper! Dare I say…en fuego?
4:47 PM Michigan up 26-21
4:47 PM Anthony Wright for THUUUURRRREEEE! 29-21. Should Michigan stop the game and take a picture next to the scoreboard? A la Lee Corso and Indiana football against Michigan in 1976.
4:49 PM I was right, color guy was wrong. Donny Marshall and Donyell Marshall are two different people. On the wikipedia page it even says, “not to be confused with Donny Marshall”
4:52 PM I jinxed Douglass, he missed a layup. His fuego is out.
4:53 PM Update: Color guy is Stephen Bardo. He played at Illinois, graduated in 1989. Played a couple years in the NBA.
4:56 PM 31-31 UConn’s guards are really good. Price, Dyson, and Walker are all well-rounded. They can shoot, pass, drive, finish in the lane and defend.
4:57 PM Douglass airball, followed by Douglass thuuurrrreee from “Hartford.”
4:57 PM Thabeet put back slam. This first half has been incredibly entertaining!
5:16 PM Second half underway!
5:19 PM Novak fouled shooting a three and makes all three free throws. If only he was born earlier, he could have been on Saved by the Bell or something. I could see him being the college kid who comes in for an episode and sweeps Kelly Kepowsky off her feet. Zach Morris would then see Novak kissing some other girl at a party. He would tell Kelly and she would accuse of him of being jealous, and then find out the hard way that Zach was right. Wow sitcom writing is not as hard as I thought.
5:22 PM Thabeet another dunk, 39-39.
5:23 PM I desperately want to talk about the potential tournament hopes of Michigan if they win the game. But I don’t want to jinx it…so I’ll hold back…for now.
5:29 PM Harris finds Sims under the basket for another easy bucket. Michigan up 4, timeout UConn.
5:34 PM Danger zone…Thabeet puts down a huge slam on a great pass from Price. 43-43. The crowd is into it, UConn is feeling superior again. This is make or break time for Michigan. Time to throw a punch, a clutch shot. Who’s it gonna be?
5:37 PM Dyson to rack for 2, Dyson to the rack for 2 more plus the foul. Michigan in jeopardy of going down 5.
5:41 PM Harris gets the bucket and the foul on Thabeet. Explosive to the basket!! Just what Michigan needed. Though making the free throw would have been helpful.
5:43 PM Michigan needs to go on a run while Thabeet is on the bench.
5:44 PM Dyson for 3, UConn up 6. Thabeet checks back in. My hope is slowly turning to despair…
5:49 PM Goodness, another couple blocks for Thabeet.
5:50 PM Michigan down 10
5:51 PM Harris throws up a silly 3 pointer, it goes in.
5:51 PM A stop on the defensive end, and another quick score would give Michigan a shot of momentum.
5:52 PM Douglass from deep!! 57-53
5:58 PM Michigan settling for some poor shots. A couple quick 3’s at a time when Michigan needs a good look at some points.
6:03 PM Another ill-advised 3 point shot followed by an airball 3 pointer. Really poor offense for the last 4 or 5 minutes.
6:04 PM Douglass hits another deep 3. He has 17 points, with 5 three pointers. Besides Douglass, Michigan is 3-19 on 3 pointers…YET, everyone continues to huck!
6:06 PM 1:00 to go, Austrie hits the dagger. 64-56.
6:06 PM Douglass hits ANOTHER 3. 64-59, too little too late I’m afraid.
6:08 PM Harris tries to dunk on Thabeet, Thabeet will allow no such thing. Foul.
6:09 PM 66-61 UConn. 31 seconds left. UConn on the stripe.
6:10 PM Harris misses a 3. That will do it. 69-61 UConn wins.

Great effort by Michigan. But great efforts with an L next to them don’t count when it comes down to tourney time. Hopefully Michigan can pull it together and finish the Big Ten season strong, including a good showing in the Big Ten Tournament.

Monday, February 2, 2009


This was the best commercial of Super Bowl Sunday.


BONUS: 1 Second commercials that didn't make the cut...

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Pass the Dip

Super Bowl Sunday is upon us. I hope you have a party to go to. If you do, remember to not show up empty handed. A bag of chips, a fun kind of dip, something. OK?

How much can people talk about the Super Bowl? For 2 weeks straight we have been overwhelmed with Super Bowl coverage, and then on game day there is a 5 hour pregame show? At this point I know every player on both teams and every play each team has ever run. ENOUGH ALREADY. 

With the vast knowledge I have now absorbed (read: had thrust upon me) I can make an accurate Super Bowl Prediction. 

The Cardinals are on a dream run, somewhat like last year's Giants. I just saw on an poll that 65% of the country thinks the Cardinals will cover the spread (+7). They certainly possess the high-powered offense to put up a ton of points and surprise the Pittsburgh defense. A defense which has been dominant all year. Pittsburgh has the experience and the defensive know-how to limit Arizona's big plays, and I think that will be the difference. 

Game MVP: Willie Parker
Final Score: 27-17 Pittsburgh Steelers

Thursday, January 29, 2009

National. Invitational. Tournament.

Hello NIT! After a compelling start to the season, including wins over then #4 UCLA and then #4 Duke, the Michigan basketball team has moved slowly towards an epic collapse. Think 2008 Denver Broncos or 2007 New York Mets.

Last night Michigan lost to Ohio State for the second time in 10 days. The stats were...I want to say ugly, but that is not descriptive enough. Grotesque? Repulsive? Vile?

  • 18 first half points
  • 21 turnovers, 11 assists
  • 15-49 shooting, a shade over 30%
  • Bench? 0-9 from the field, 6 turnovers
  • Manny Harris had 10 turnovers
  • Manny Harris and DeShawn Sims shot a combined 20 two-point shots, making 8...the rest of the team took THREE shots inside the arc, making zero
  • Again, besides the big 2, Michigan shot 5-24
  • Ohio State shot 57% for the game, defense anyone?

After the hot start, 13-3 overall and 3-1 in conference, Michigan has lost all the swagger we witnessed early in the season. Losing four of the last five games including the two to Ohio State and one at penn state. Michigan now stands at 14-7 overall and 4-5 in the conference. Now comes the difficult part of the schedule...

at #17 Purdue, home Penn State, at #2 UConn, home #9 Michigan State, at Northwestern, home #24 Minnesota, at Iowa, home #17 Purdue, at Wisconsin, at #24 Minnesota

How many wins do you see in there? two? maybe three? So let's assume the best and say they get four. Four of the last ten leaves Michigan at 18-13 overall with a conference record of 8-10. That's not likely to garner an NCAA tournament bid.

Michigan needs to rally and reach the 20 win plateau with a .500 or better conference record if they want to have a shot to end their NCAA tournament drought.

I'm gonna try to stay optimistic, but sheesh...Michigan went from a dark horse contender in the big ten to a team that may struggle to win two more games.